Moving Forward: Building Resilience and Thriving after Trauma Through The Change Triangle
By: Jordan Kurtz (she/her), MA, LPCC, Denver Trauma Therapist
“The Big 3”: Life Themes Trauma Disrupts
To experience trauma is to experience a rupture of connection: from self, from body, from safety, from loved ones. Though the tragic reality of trauma is that it is universal, its impact often feels personally isolating. We hold the pain, but too often we point the finger of blame on ourselves too.
There’s something wrong with me.
Bad things only happen to bad people, so I must be bad.
Other people deserve love but I am unworthy.
This was my fault.
Making sense of our needs, the people that are safe to vocalize them too, and granting ourselves compassion are significant and often lifelong tasks for most of us. If we are lucky enough to have supportive caregivers and physical environments that affirm these things, stressors likely feel more manageable and we trust that our emotions have the right to be expressed and held by others. Trauma instills contrary messages that primarily center around:
Safety:
protection from harm from myself, others, and the world
Power/Control:
my actions, emotions, thoughts have influence
Responsibility:
recognition of my inherent worth & appropriately allocating accountability
Here are some examples of how trauma brains respond to these ideas versus non-trauma brains.
Healing Trauma Brain with the Change Triangle
A beautiful therapeutic model known as AEDP offers us the Change Triangle (see diagram below) as a way to reframe our understanding of and map out our responses to trauma. While AEDP therapy is too complex to discuss in full here, we can begin by breaking down the Change Triangle and linking it to “The Big 3” themes listed above.
Defenses/Protections:
conscious or unconscious actions we perform or thoughts we hold to avoid distressing emotions
Inhibitory Emotions:
emotions related to the trauma that surface when we cannot access our defenses; messages we have received from others that dictate what we are allowed to feel about an experience
Core Emotions:
emotions that speak to the truth of our trauma experience that are often denied, dismissed, or invalidated by ourselves or others
Openhearted State:
positive emotions about ourselves, others, and the world we can experience when trauma is processed in safely and with support
An example of the Change Triangle in response to a Big 3 Theme:
A person who was raised with an alcoholic mother and a mentally ill father who left the family at age 10. As a child, this person was responsible for feeding themselves, going place to place, and silencing their emotions as their mother characterized emotional expression as “selfish”.
Theme: Safety (“I cannot trust others”)
Defenses: Smoking marijuana to “numb out”; joking that “others had it worse”; withholding emotions from others for fear of “being a burden”
Inhibitory Emotion: Shame (“Something is wrong with me because I can’t make close relationships”)
Core Emotions: Sadness, Anger (“I am lonely without the ability to trust”; “I am angry I had to raise myself”)
Why is the Change Triangle Important for Trauma Healing?
The triangle doesn’t shame defenses. It recognizes them as adaptations to communication styles, emotional expression, and behaviors that protect someone from feeling their pain or experiencing further pain.
It recognizes trauma entails many emotional layers. Inhibitory emotions are informative, but they mask underlying emotions that the trauma is most deeply rooted in.
It acknowledges multiple emotions can exist at once. There is not often a single emotion that encapsulates trauma; different components of the trauma experience may reflect seemingly contrasting emotions- and that’s valid!
How Can The Change Triangle Be Used in Therapy? An Outline from a Denver Trauma Therapist
Identification:
At CZTG, our team of Denver trauma therapists will help you map out components of your change triangle and validate their protective function. This helps lend compassion towards and awareness of their existence when they emerge.
Permission:
Experience liberation in suppressed emotions being encouraged to flourish.
Togetherness:
Heal through trusting another human wants to know your story, hold your story with you, and understand you.
Denver Trauma Therapy - Start Working The Change Triangle and Healing From Trauma with AEDP Therapy!
Our team of trauma therapists in Denver are specially trained in AEDP therapy to help you heal and move past the lingering effects of trauma. We believe that trauma healing goes much deeper than just understanding what happened to us and are here to support you in taking those next steps.
It’s an important value of ours to make sure we feel like a great fit before diving into trauma therapy together. We offer a free trauma therapy consult to anyone interested in diving into Denver trauma therapy with us. Reach out to get scheduled or ask any questions you may have.
About the Writer
Jordan Kurtz (she/her) is a trauma and relationship therapist at CZTG who focuses on therapy for grief, trauma, adolescence, and couples. Jordan is authentic, warm, and affirming of her clients’ identities and experiences.
If you’d like to connect with Jordan to learn more about what it would be like to work together, feel free to reach out for a free consultation. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consult call.
Connect with the CZTG therapist of your choice via a phone consult.
Begin healing and growth in weekly Trauma Therapy