Ways to Cope with Pet Loss - Thoughts and Resources from a Grief and Trauma Therapist in Denver, CO.
By Jordan Kurtz (she/her), MA, LPCC, Grief + Trauma Therapist in Denver, CO.
During my time as a grief and trauma therapist in Denver, I have recognized that throughout certain seasons (metaphorically and literally) many clients seem to be sharing the same hardships.
Throughout 2023, I held several client’s experiences of grief pertaining to pet loss and noticing this recurrent theme prompted this blog’s focus: normalizing and validating pet loss as a trauma, and a collection of support resources.
To our furry, feathered or scaled friends we lost this year: CZ Therapy Group recognizes you, offers love to your human companions, and acknowledges the impact you created in many people’s lives.
Validating Pet Loss as a Trauma from an Attachment Perspective
A secure attachment can be defined as a relationship in which our needs are fulfilled consistently and with unconditional support. We turn to these relationships for security and safety in times of emotional turbulence as well as times of positivity to deepen our joy, pride, and self-compassion.
While we often measure the stability of a relationship through its patterns of communication, love, trust, lack of danger, and emotions as a whole can certainly be expressed non-verbally (i.e. even without developed verbal skills in infancy, young children use facial expressions and crying to communicate needs and feelings). The same can be said of our pets- a tail wag, an excited bark, nuzzle of the head, a contented purr, or a paw placed upon our laps all are bids of connection not dissimilar from human reaches for connection such as hugs, high fives, or shouts of excitement.
Moreover, animals communicate with their presence: they remain steadfastly by our sides despite how much money we have, our feelings about ourselves, other’s perceptions of us, or our identities.
Animals fulfill human needs for belonging, purpose, acceptance and love, and therefore should be considered secure attachments.
Why is this relevant? When people lose secure human attachments due to death or breakups, they typically experience paralysis, depression, fear, anxiety, and low motivation because our secure attachments are tethers to meaning and survival.
Permission to consider our pets as secure attachments validates the depth of their loss and may help guide ourselves and others around us during the healing process.
Healing from Pet Loss: Coping Suggestions from a Grief Specialist and Trauma Therapist in Denver, CO.
If your animal has been diagnosed with a terminal illness:
Create a ritual together. Examples include car rides on weekends, playing with specific toys before bed, or listening to music while petting your animal- all with the greater purpose of developing intentional quality time together.
Complete a bucket list together. Are there any hikes you want to complete with your dog? A desire to let your cat explore outside?
Do a photoshoot. Capture memories together within your home or your favorite outdoor space through photography.
Go to a Denver pet friendly bake shop or cook recipes together at home.
Three Dog Bakery- 1503 Boulder St
Biscotti Hound Dog Biscuit Bakery- 4128 Hooker St
Attune to positive or neutral symptoms, not just negative. Once a diagnosis is offered, it can be easy to orient only towards behavior that reflects changing health (i.e. increased fatigue, changed diet patterns). Through writing or mental notation, identify positive or neutral behaviors your pet exhibits to maintain a holistic picture of their wellbeing (i.e. still able to tail wag at meal time, ability to take walks).
If your animal has passed away:
Give yourself permission to grieve in full.
Seek time off from work if possible or needed.
Embrace increased need for sleep, comfort food, and social connection or alone time.
Create a shrine or place of remembrance for your pet within the home or an outdoor space.
Connect with an in person or virtual pet bereavement group at your local Humane Society or animal shelter
Did your animal frequent a cat café, rider’s group, or dog park frequently? Allow familiar owners part of these communities the opportunity to connect with you about your loss and offer condolences.
For Friends and Family of Those Who Have Lost a Pet
Offer your friend or family member the opportunity to share memories about their pet or their emotions in general.
Avoid silver-lining or looking too far into the future (i.e. “At least you shared ten years together!”)
Do not suggest getting another animal unless your loved one suggests it first. You do not want to imply that their lost pet is an easily replaceable attachment.
Write a sympathy card- condolences for loss extend to humans as well as animals and written word may be better received by your loved one if they are feeling too emotional to talk.
Denver-Metro Resources for Pet Loss Compiled by a Denver Trauma Therapist and Grief Specialist
For Kids: The Invisible Leash by Patrice Karst: a picture book that reframes pet loss as an evolved form of connection through an invisible leash.
For Adults: Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet by Moira Allen
For 24/7 Support: Pet Compassion Careline at 855-245-8214
For Continued Web Resources:
Cremation Services and Pet Cemeteries
Centennial: Pet Cremation Services
Colorado Springs: Lasting Paws Pet Memorial
Commerce City: Denver Pet Cemetery
Evergreen: Evergreen Memorial Park
Fort Collins: Precious Memories Pet Cemetery
Henderson: Lasting Paws Pet Memorial
Longmont: Longmont Humane Society
Thorton: Cremate Simply
Experiencing the trauma of pet loss? We would love to support you through grief-specific trauma therapy in Denver, CO.
Connect with a Denver trauma therapist at CZTG today by following these three steps:
Schedule a free 20-minute consult call to see if trauma therapy in Denver, CO. is right for you.
Connect with the CZTG trauma therapist of your choice via a phone consult.
Begin your healing journey!
Meet The Writer: Jordan Kurtz, Grief Specialist and Trauma Therapist in Denver, CO.
Jordan Kurtz (she/her) is a Denver trauma therapist, grief counselor, and staff writer at CZTG. Jordan focuses on therapy for grief and loss, trauma, adolescence, and relationships. Her approach is authentic, warm, and affirming, which she interweaves throughout her use of advanced evidence-based modalities, including EMDR, Emotion Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT), and somatic therapy. She provides trauma therapy in Denver and virtually throughout the state of Colorado. If you’d like to work with Jordan, feel free to reach out to schedule a consultation call.