Nurturing Boundaries: Empowering Trauma Survivors on the Path to Healing
Boundary setting is a vital aspect of personal growth and fostering healthy relationships. However, for trauma survivors, establishing boundaries can be a complex and challenging process. This blog post explores:
1) different areas related to boundary setting
2) their potential difficulties of setting boundaries for trauma survivors
3) tips for how to navigate boundary setting after trauma
4) and three vignettes to paint a picture of how a trauma therapy session might focus specifically on boundary setting
The Complexity of Boundary Setting for Trauma Survivors
For trauma survivors, setting boundaries can be a daunting task for various reasons. Firstly, as trauma survivors, it is often the case that our past experiences of trauma may have involved a violation of our boundaries, leaving us feeling disempowered and unsure of our own needs and limits. Experiences of trauma can often create a sense of powerlessness, making it challenging for survivors to assert themselves and set/maintain boundaries.
Additionally, trauma survivors often develop protective mechanisms that involve disregarding or suppressing our own needs and desires as a way to keep ourselves safe. Although this lack of boundaries can create barriers in the long run, it is almost always adaptive and necessary in the moments when trauma is occurring. It allows us to navigate our environment with a heightened sense of vigilance to avoid potential conflict and further trauma as much as we can in a situation that is largely out of our control.
Areas in Life Where Boundaries May Be Important
So, you’re in a safer, more predictable space and are no longer experiencing trauma in the present moment. That’s a great place to be! Now we get to explore how you actually want to live your life and connect with others, not just how you have to. There are numerous scenarios in which trauma survivors may feel the need to begin setting new boundaries but might not know where to start.
Here are a few broad examples of types of boundaries you may want to implement:
1. Personal Space
Trauma survivors might feel triggered or overwhelmed when their personal space is invaded. Setting boundaries around physical proximity can provide a sense of safety and control.
2. Emotional Boundaries
Trauma survivors may find it challenging to express and regulate their emotions effectively. Establishing emotional boundaries allows survivors to communicate their emotional needs and limits, ensuring that their emotions are respected, heard, and validated.
3. Time and Energy Management
Survivors may have a tendency to overextend themselves, neglecting their own self-care and personal needs. Setting boundaries around time and energy allocation helps protect their well-being and prevents burnout.
4. Communication and Disclosure
Sharing details of their trauma can be an intensely personal decision for survivors. Establishing boundaries around what, when, and how much to disclose empowers them to control their narrative and promote healing at their own pace.
Boundary Setting 101: Areas to Get Curious About from a Trauma Therapist in Denver, CO.
1. Self-Awareness
Developing self-awareness of our own needs, wants, emotions, and triggers is a crucial and deserved experience for trauma survivors. Reflecting on past experiences and seeking therapeutic support can be a huge help in this process.
2. Clear Communication
Trauma survivors can practice assertive and clear communication when beginning to set boundaries. Using "I" statements, expressing needs directly, and maintaining consistent messaging can enhance the effectiveness of boundary-setting conversations.
Nervous to try this out? Find a loved one you feel really close with to practice with or simply run through future scenarios in your head or in front of the mirror. Practice and repetition are key in getting your body used to anything new, including setting boundaries!
3. Gradual Progression
Establishing boundaries is a journey that takes time. Trauma survivors can start by setting small, manageable boundaries and gradually expanding their comfort zone as they build confidence and trust in themselves.
4. Seeking Support
Trauma therapy plays a vital role in supporting survivors with boundary setting. Therapists specializing in trauma can provide support, validation, and advanced therapeutic techniques to help survivors move through this process and find healing.
Ways Trauma Therapy in Denver, CO Can Support Boundary Setting for Trauma Survivors
Trauma therapy should be inherently relational, meaning a trauma therapist should always take into account the impact that trauma has on our relationships. The Denver Trauma Therapists at CZ Therapy Group specialize in relational trauma therapy specifically. Our team offers a range of trauma therapy services to support trauma survivors in their boundary-setting journey, and are particularly well versed in trauma-focused modalities such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), Parts Work Therapy, and Somatic Trauma Therapy.
Curious about what this work looks like in practice? Below are a few vignettes to break down how a relational trauma therapist might support clients with boundary setting.
Vignette 1: Somatic Trauma Therapy - Establishing Physical Boundaries
In this vignette, the trauma therapist utilizes somatic therapy techniques to support their client in establishing physical boundaries.
Therapist: Sarah
Client: Emma (seeking therapy for triggers surrounding physical touch and invasion of personal space)
Therapist: Let's take a moment to focus on your body and how it feels when someone invades your personal space. Close your eyes, take a few deeps breaths, and bring your attention to your body. Notice any sensations or discomfort you might be experiencing.
Emma: (takes a deep breath and closes her eyes). I feel a tightness in my chest and a sense of panic when someone stands too close.
Therapist: Great job noticing what’s happening inside. As you check in with those sensations of tightness and panic, can you get a sense of what is needed? Are there any words those sensations might say if they could speak?
Emma: The tightness in my chest is red, smoldering hot, and wants to tell everyone to back off!
Therapist: Great! Just stay with that and notice what happens as you say those words “back off” out loud. Do the sensations shift? Do any images appear?
Emma: The tightness in my chest is loosening but it’s not completely gone. It feels so good to be able to use my voice but I’m still worried about how other people might react.
Therapist: Of course. It makes complete sense that your nervous system is storing fear around other peoples’ responses given what you experienced in past relationships. Historically, it hasn’t been safe to voice your needs, so this is your body’s way of protecting you now. In our next session, let’s give more space to that lingering discomfort. Maybe we can connect what’s happening in your body to a time where it wasn’t safe or well received to voice your needs and work to process that trauma together. Sound okay?
Vignette 2: Parts Work Therapy and AEDP Relational Therapy - Emotional Boundary Setting
In this vignette, the trauma therapist integrates parts work therapy and AEDP relational therapy to support their client in setting emotional boundaries in real time.
Therapist: Mark
Client: Alex (struggling with emotional overwhelm and difficulty expressing needs)
Therapist: We all have parts of ourself that have served an adaptive and necessary purpose to keep us safe in previous relationships. In your experience, we’ve discussed the protective part of you that learned that it was never okay to say “no” in your past relationship. We’ve explored how that part is still working in overdrive today even though it’s protection isn’t always needed anymore. Do you feel connected with the protector right now?
Alex: Yes, it’s always here. I actually wanted to ask you to use the restroom earlier but didn’t want to throw off your routine, so I just didn’t say anything at all. That feels like a version of my protector coming out…
Therapist: I’m so glad you shared that! It sounds like your protector part is trying not to ruffle feathers. Can you get a sense of how the protector feels right now as you’re sharing this with me?
Alex: Scared, maybe?
Therapist: Say more about scared. Where is it showing up in your body? Is the protective part saying or doing anything internally right now?
Alex: I feel a knot in my stomach and hear a voice in my head telling me to shut up right this second.
Therapist: Great tracking. It makes sense that this is really uncomfortable. You’re going against the grain and doing the exact opposite of what the protector is telling you to do, which I know is really new for you. Would it be okay if I spoke directly to the protector part right now?
Alex: Yes. I think that would feel relieving, actually.
Therapist: Okay. It feels really important for me to share that not only am I okay with you sharing your needs with me, I actually really want you to. It helps me support you and helps us build our relationship with each other. As I say that, just notice what happens inside. Can the protector hear me? How are my words landing with them?
In the rest of this session and beyond, the therapist and client would likely continue connecting with and attuning to the needs of the protector part with the goal of having new, healthy attachment experiences that allow the protector part to slowly take a step back.
The client and therapist may also choose to bring in EMDR therapy to work with the protector part. By using EMDR during the facilitation of new, positive attachment experiences, we can rewire the traumatized neural networks in the brain and develop healthy ones.
Vignette 3: Integration of Parts Work and Somatic Therapy - Time and Energy Management
In this vignette, the trauma therapist combines parts work and somatic therapy to support their client in setting boundaries around time and energy management.
Therapist: Lisa
Client: Jason (struggling with overextending himself and neglecting self-care)
Therapist: Let's explore the parts of you that contribute to overextending yourself and neglecting your own needs. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. As you connect with your body, notice any sensations or emotions related to this pattern.
Jason: (closes his eyes and takes deep breaths) I feel tension in my shoulders and a sense of guilt when I say no to others.
Therapist: Thank you for sharing, Jason. Now, I want you to visualize the wise and compassionate part of yourself that we connected with last week. This part values self-care and understands the importance of setting boundaries around time and energy. Imagine this part offering guidance and support right now. What is it doing, feeling, saying? What happens inside as you connect with it?
Jason: (visualizes the wise part and starts feeling a sense of relief and self-compassion)
Therapist: Great! This wise part will help you prioritize your needs and communicate your boundaries around time and energy effectively. Together, we can work on integrating this part more fully into your daily life, allowing you to find a healthier balance and take care of yourself without guilt.
***Note: These vignettes are fictional and provided for illustrative purposes only, not as a replacement for or replica of personalized therapy services. Trauma therapy techniques and approaches should be tailored to the individual's unique needs and preferences and should only be conducted by licensed and trained trauma therapy professionals.
Next Steps: Explore How Trauma Therapy in Denver, CO Can Help You Set and Maintain Boundaries
Setting boundaries is a transformative and empowering process for trauma survivors. What’s better than regaining autonomy over your life and relationships and feeling a sense of ease in expressing your needs and emotions? While the path may be challenging to embark on alone, trauma survivors can benefit greatly from the support offered in trauma therapy in Denver, CO, which offers specialized support tailored to their unique needs. Through sessions that look similarly to what’s depicted above or a therapy space that’s entirely different, trauma therapy that is tailored specifically to you can be the support needed for healing.
FOLLOW THESE THREE SIMPLE STEPS TO GET STARTED:
1. Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consult call at Chadley Zobolas Therapy Group.
2. Connect with a Denver trauma therapist at CZTG for your first session.
3. Begin healing your connection with yourself and others through trauma therapy!