Navigating Trauma's Impact on Relationships: Perspective from a Couples Counselor in Denver, CO.
As a group of therapists who specialize in couples counseling in Denver, we have the privilege of witnessing the strength and resilience of relationships every day. More specifically, as relationship therapists who specialize in the impacts of trauma, we can’t help but feel so much excitement and hope around the healing potential of relationships for those who have been impacted by trauma.
In this blog, we aim to unravel some of the ways that trauma impacts relationships. As well as how relationships themselves can be a catalyst for trauma healing. We will also explore how Emotion Focused Therapy for couples (EFT) can help support relationships struggling with the impacts of trauma.
Trauma's Ripple Effect on Relationships
It likely goes without saying that trauma can have a significant impact on relationships. Particularly romantic partnerships. As it often leaves a lasting impact on our emotional selves and attachment styles. But, how should we define trauma in this context?
Trauma can be defined as any experience that is too overwhelming for us as individuals to process. Thus, leading to a nervous system wound that impacts our emotions, body sensations, and view of ourselves and others. A trauma wound can originate from various sources. Such as childhood familial experiences (divorce, chaotic households, emotional/physical neglect), abusive relationships, and accidents, among so many others. These experiences can influence our ability to process and feel our emotions, impact our communication patterns, and decrease our sense of trust and connection with others – often for good reason, we should add.
Here are some more specific ways trauma can impact relationships:
1. Attachment Style
Our attachment style, formed during childhood, significantly influences how we relate to others in adulthood. Traumatic experiences, especially during early developmental years, can create insecure attachment styles. Leading individuals to struggle with emotional closeness and vulnerability.
2. Emotional Distance
Trauma survivors may unconsciously create emotional distance as a protective mechanism. To keep themselves safe from potential harm. This emotional distancing, although adaptive and often necessary during times of trauma, can hinder intimacy and genuine emotional connection even once we’re in a safe relationship.
3. Communication Challenges
Trauma can affect our ability to communicate with others, hindering our expression of our emotions and needs. Couples may find themselves stuck in a cycle of conflict, hurt, and misunderstanding. It’s common that the more this negative cycle continues, the more stuck and out of touch with your partner you start to feel.
4. Trust Issues
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. However, trauma survivors have pretty good reasons to not trust others based on their past experiences. Because trauma is stored in the nervous system, building trust with a safe, trustworthy partner can be much more easily said than done, as ‘evidence’ that someone can be trusted isn’t always enough to heal the old wounds on its own.
5. Triggers and Flashbacks
Trauma can manifest in the form of triggers and flashbacks. Reawakening painful memories and emotions and coloring new, non-traumatic experiences in the present. These moments can be overwhelming and challenging for both partners to navigate. Moving through them often requires support from a trauma professional.
More On Attachment - The Role of Childhood Relationships
We mentioned above that our attachment style, which is often directly influenced by childhood trauma and our general experiences with caregivers, has a large role to play in our relational landscape as adults. Children who experience consistent nurturing, emotional and physical attunement, and modeling of healthy relationships tend to develop more secure attachment styles, whereas those who experienced inconsistencies in care and emotional attunement or abuse/neglect tend to develop more anxious or avoidant learning attachment styles. These early experiences can lay the groundwork for future romantic relationships, either supporting or hindering emotional intimacy.
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy: A Path to Healing Through Denver Couples Counseling
As trauma-focused couples counselors, the team at CZTG is equipped to support relationships impacted by even the toughest attachment and trauma wounding. We do this work primarily through the lens of Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), which is an evidence-based approach to couples counseling that focuses on identifying and transforming negative relationship cycles linked to attachment wounding and emotional disconnection. For trauma survivors, EFT can be particularly effective in facilitating healing and fostering secure attachments. Here's how:
1. Creating a Safe Space
EFT emphasizes creating a safe and non-judgmental environment where both partners can openly explore their emotions, experiences, and core attachment needs.
2. Identifying Emotional Triggers
EFT helps couples identify triggers and patterns that emerge during conflicts. By recognizing these triggers, partners can gain a deeper understanding of each other's emotional responses and core attachment needs.
3. Healing Past Trauma Wounds
With the support of a trauma-focused couples counselor, EFT couples therapy allows space for trauma survivors to process and heal from past trauma within the context of the safe relationship they’ve built for themselves today.
4. Rebuilding Trust
EFT couples counseling supports partners in rebuilding trust by fostering open communication, empathy, and responsiveness. Partners learn to attune to each other's emotional needs and create a more secure bond in real-time during counseling sessions.
5. Breaking Negative Cycles
The hold that trauma can have over relationship patterns can feel all-encompassing. Through processing trauma in a relational context during couples counseling, couples can begin to come out of toxic patterns (because they are no longer necessary for survival) and learn to connect in new, more positive ways that meet the emotional needs of both partners.
A Call For Trauma Survivors in Relationships - Learn More About How Couples Counseling in Denver, CO Can Support You
Trauma's impact on romantic relationships is a complex and challenging aspect to navigate. However, with the support of a Denver couples counselor and the use of trauma-focused, attachment-based approaches like Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), healing and growth are absolutely within reach.
If you resonate with what we’ve shared in this blog and would like to learn more about how Denver couples counseling could support you specifically, reach out to a CZTG couples counselor for a free consult call.
Follow these three steps to get started:
Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consult call at Chadley Zobolas Therapy Group.
Connect with a Denver couples counselor at CZTG for your first session.
Begin healing from trauma in your relationship and building the safe connection you deserve!
