Finding Your Best Fit Therapist
Therapy is truly all about the relationship. Human to human connection. Don’t get me wrong- training, education, and experience are important pieces of the puzzle, too. But if you’re sitting across the room from someone who you simply don’t connect with or feel safe opening up to, it’s pretty likely that you won’t find the growth and healing you’re looking for- and that you deserve!
It’s also true that the process of searching for a therapist can be full of confusing terminology, acronyms, and so many different types of therapists and therapies. Reading that someone’s a CBT and DBT therapist might mean absolutely nothing to you and the label itself might even feel distancing. This is absolutely a flaw in the therapy world that can really get in the way of finding that person you connect with.
This guide is meant to offer a balance between the personal and the practical. First, we’ll explore your values, needs, and non-negotiables when it comes to finding safe and healing connection with a therapist. Then, we’ll walk through some practical tips and tricks for navigating all things therapy jargon and turning someone’s label as a CBT therapist into something that’s relevant and meaningful to you.
Who is my ideal therapist?
As therapists, we’re here to show up for you and on your terms. I truly can’t stress this enough. No matter who you’re working with, the process should feel collaborative, inviting, and focused on your needs. It’s also true that therapists are humans and naturally, not all humans will mesh well with one another. Even though the therapeutic relationship is unique- not a friendship or partnership- at the end of the day it’s still a relationship, and it’s absolutely okay to get to know a potential therapist on a human level first. Before you start your search, ask yourself:
-Who am I and what are my values?
-What do I need from a therapist to feel safe? To have my needs met?
Maybe it’s important to you to work with someone with the same gender identity, racial/ethnic background, religion, or political orientation. A therapist’s identities inevitably come into play in your work with one another- explore what it might be like for you to have shared or different identities than your therapist and what will help you feel safe and understood.
If you have a specific experience or group of experiences you’re seeking therapy for support around, you might want to look for someone who specializes in that area(s), too!
Reflect on current and past relationships- both personal and therapeutic. What feels good about them? What doesn’t? What have you learned and grown the most from? What are you wishing you had now in connection with others that you don’t? Exploring this might bring up areas you want to focus on in your actual work in therapy, but it can also uncover a lot around how you’d like your therapist to show up for you.
Searching for a Therapist:
Some Practical Tips + Tricks
Starting Your Search
Use a therapist resource directory.
Therapist directories are essentially the hubs for all things local mental health that allow you to use a filter option to search for therapists based on location, type of therapy, services offered, pricing/insurance, etc. Some common ones are Psychology Today and Good Therapy, and my favorite lesser known directory is Inclusive Therapists.
Make sure to check out the therapists’ websites, too.
Once you find a few therapists you feel drawn to on Google or the therapist directories, take a deep-dive into their websites. This should give you a closer look at who they are as humans, how they show up for their clients, and what they can offer you. Do you connect with their message and get a feel for what it would be like to work with them? What questions do you have for them?
Ask trusted friends, family members, or support professionals for referrals.
If you have people in your life who’ve already started their own therapy journey, ask them if they have a therapist they recommend. These are often the absolute best referrals- your loved one knows you well and will likely have a pretty good idea of who could be a good fit for you.
What if I reach out to someone who isn’t a good fit?
This might happen and I know how frustrating it can feel. One silver lining is this- it doesn’t have to be a dead end. Through determining that it’s not a good fit, hopefully the therapist you’ve reached out to has somewhat of an idea of what you are looking for. They should be able to provide you with at least three referrals to other therapists that could better meet your needs.
Therapy Jargon 101: A guide to types of therapists + therapies
Making therapy acronyms relevant to you!
The distinctions between different types of therapy can actually be really important in finding your best fit, but it’s hard to know what it actually means to work with an SFBT therapist vs an EMDR therapist simply based on the acronyms. So, at the risk of oversimplifying therapeutic theory just a tad, I’ve broken down some of the most common types of therapy into two categories that represent a very different ‘feel’ and experience for the client: top-down approaches and bottom-up approaches.
Top-Down Approaches
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)
Existential Therapy
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)
Bottom-Up Approaches
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR)
Somatic Therapies
Advanced Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP)
Somatic Experiencing (SE)
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)
**Please note that this is by no means a complete list of therapies.
Top-down approaches to therapy generally focus on thoughts and how the ‘thinking’ part of our brain impacts our behaviors and emotions. These therapies generally believe that if we analyze, challenge, and ultimately shift our thoughts and beliefs, our emotions and behaviors will begin to shift as well. Top-down therapies are more likely to include homework, worksheets, and specific tasks for you to complete on your own outside of therapy. They’re also generally more brief in nature and serve to effect change in very specific areas that a client is struggling in.
Bottom-up approaches to therapy, in contrast, focus on the body and emotions as the foundation for healing and knowledge about ourselves and our experiences. These therapies are largely based on the idea that our bodies hold the wisdom to inform our minds and behaviors, not the other way around as we see in top-down approaches. The work focuses on creating safety and connection, both with ourselves and others, honoring emotion, and connecting more with feeling than with thinking.
What about the letters behind a therapist’s name?
In Colorado, mental health professional generally fall under these educational backgrounds (master or doctorate degrees) and licenses:
Social Worker (MSW; Licensed Social Worker or Licensed Clinical Social Worker)
Marriage and Family Therapist (MA; Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)
Professional Counselor (MA; Licensed Professional Counselor)
Psychologist (PsyD or PhD)
**typically conduct research, but can (and sometimes do) provide ongoing therapy
Psychiatrist (MD)
**prescribers of psychiatric medication, typically do not provide ongoing therapy
It’s important to know that in Colorado, mental health providers are not legally required to have any relevant education or experience in order to provide services described as therapy (with the credential Unlicensed Psychotherapist). This lack of regulation is not common in other parts of the United States and is something I’m passionate about raising awareness around. As a client, you deserve to have the information around a therapist’s qualifications to decide whether you feel comfortable working with them. If you’d prefer to work with someone who holds higher education and extensive supervised training in the mental health field, use the above list as a guide and check for both the master’s degree and the provisional or full licensure.
Taking the next step: What to expect when you reach out to a therapist
Okay, so you’ve checked in with your values, found a therapist (or a few therapists) that you resonate with, and are ready to take the next step. It can feel nerve wracking, and that’s okay! If you connect with someone who’s a good fit for you, they’ll meet you right where you’re at and process those anxieties with you.
Most therapists offer a free phone consultation and some even provide a free or reduced cost in-person consultation. Use this space to get to know one another and ask any questions you might have- sometimes it can be helpful to bring a list of things you’re wondering about or to just go with the flow and see what the connection’s like.
It’s okay to shop around!
Finding your best fit therapist might not happen right away, and as frustrating as it can feel, it’s not a reflection of you or of therapy overall. Tap into your resources, listen to your gut, and don’t settle. You deserve a consistent, warm, and safe space that can meet you where you’re at today and grow with you over time. I promise it’s out there.
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Struggling with your therapy search? Feel free to reach out to me here and we can either explore working together or I can connect you with some other therapists in my network!