Considering the Wisdom of Your Inner Child
By Jordan Kurtz (she/her), MA, LPCC, Trauma and Relationship Therapist
Your inner-child has wisdom: perspective from a Denver trauma therapist
We often characterize people, ideas or behaviors that are not worth taking seriously as “childish”. Or perhaps when our emotions were perceived as too large by someone else, we were told to “Stop acting like a child”. The implicit message in these sentiments is that the voice of children is not fully legitimate, or how children express themselves is somehow wrong. Given these prevailing attitudes, it may feel natural to dismiss what is about to follow:
your inner-child has wisdom.
What I mean by this and when, how and why to tune in to your younger self will be explored below.
Where does the concept of the “inner-child” come from?
“Inner-child” is one of many terms belonging to the umbrella of therapy modalities known as Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS posits that from birth to the present, we develop a self-concept that is perceived as unified but actually hosts many different selves with varying needs, agendas, desires, and protections.
Trauma of any kind causes selves to be silenced, suppressed, shunned or devalued, and IFS believes developing an embodied sense of self that gives voice to all parts is necessary for healing.
One such part is one’s “inner-child”, and it represents a younger version (or versions- i.e. toddler self, preteen self, teenage self) of you. Your inner-child holds cornerstone memories, experiences, and a holding space for the development of world beliefs that shape adult you in the present.
Why is it important to connect with my inner-child?
As a child we assemble baseline thought patterns to help us understand the world- people can be trusted, my family protects me, when I express emotions they are recognized by others, etc.
Depending on experiences that occurred to us during childhood, our worldviews about ourselves, responsibility, protection, love, and vulnerability can vary greatly. Many of us come to therapy wondering “Why do I act the way I do as an adult? Where did these behaviors or beliefs come from? Why do I not ‘know better’?” Because our childhood is where the origin for world view construction began, it is beneficial to use our inner-child as a compass and map for understanding adult functioning. Moreover, our inner-child often reveals which of our needs were neglected at a time we could not provide them for ourselves. As trauma therapists, we often conceptualize this as childhood trauma.
Granting our adult selves room for the emotions, desires, fears and disappointments that our child selves may have been denied empowers our sense of self-efficacy in the present and centralizes the importance of our voice.
Inner-Child Work is Central to Trauma Therapy
As Denver trauma therapists, our team often focuses heavily on treating trauma from the root. In a majority of clients’ experiences, childhood trauma and lingering, unmet childhood needs are at the crux of this process. In trauma therapy, ignoring the inner-child and the significant role it plays in a client’s present day, adult experience can be just as significant as ignoring the presence of trauma altogether.
Check out our previous parts work therapy blog if you’re curious to learn more about inner-child therapy, parts work therapy, and how we incorporate it into our Denver trauma therapy practice.
This sounds somewhat like the “id” from Freudian psychology. Why is this different?
Freud believed our personalities are composed of three parts- the id, ego, and superego. The superego represents morals, laws, and societal pressures that guide “correct behavior”, the id represents desire for instant gratification, desire and sexual drives, and the ego represents the balancing fulcrum between the warring drives of the id and ego that compromises pleasure and rationality.
Because of its association with immediate gratification, stubbornness, and instinct, the id is most often perceived as the “childish” part. Freud also believed the id remains unconscious throughout one’s life and is therefore nonresponsive to time, experience or the external world.
Contrarily, with practice and compassion we can access our inner-child and discover it is certainly activated by factors in our present adult lives. Moreover, our inner-child is insightful and informs what needs must be satisfied for survival and our wellbeing, while Freud characterized the id as purely selfish and wishful in nature.
Ways to Connect With Your Inner-Child
Practicing awareness:
When you are wounded, alone, or invalidated- note what self-talk arises and which voice speaks to fundamental needs (i.e. I wish I were protected; I want to feel safe, etc)
Make details come alive:
Reflecting upon yourself in a younger memory, consider what you are wearing, body language, if anyone else is present, colors, room temperature, etc.
Increase connectedness:
Bring yourself closer to younger you- can you imagine yourself in the scene as younger you? As an adult standing beside or holding younger you? Watching yourself from above?
Notice:
What emotions arise as you engage with younger you? Somatic sensations? Thoughts? Additional imagery?
Self-compassion towards another:
If envisioning or emotionally connecting with younger you feels difficult or threatening, try envisioning another child you know around that age or a child in general. Notice what emotions arise envisioning another child experiencing the circumstances you endured.
Fulfilling needs:
Consider internally or ask aloud what your inner child needs or wants. Offer validation, comfort, reassurance verbally or with gestures.
Explore Inner-Child-Focused Trauma Therapy in Denver
The trauma therapists at CZ Therapy Group specialize in inner-child therapy, parts work therapy, and attachment-based therapy for trauma and relationships. We would love to support you in your journey towards healing and greater connection with yourself and others.
Reach out to a trauma therapist on our team to schedule a free consult with one of our Denver therapists today!
Follow these three easy steps to get started:
1. Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consult call at Chadley Zobolas Therapy Group.
2. Connect with a skilled trauma therapist at CZTG during your initial consult call
3. Begin your journey of healing from trauma